Moose Isle Needs a Postmaster!





  The sudden and untimely death of Thomas Alverez Gallup (see attached news story) has left a vacancy for the position of Postmaster of Moose Isle.  Applications are now being taken for that position.




Carnival performers questioned in Easy Breeze Motel Death with two outs in the third.  The score was again tied when Hernandez doubled leading off the seventh innning.  He was sacrificed to third by a well placed bunt by Hoyle.  Evans then delivered a two out single into right field to drive in the go-ahead run for the Bay-Sox.  Portland regained the lead in the bottom half of the inning when Tim Appling hit his second home run of the day, a towering shot off the center field bleacher wall.  Ragnosi replaced Stuart for Portland for the top of the eight, and breezed to a one-two-three inning.  The Bay-Sox got even in the ninth as Ragnosi walked the first two batters.  Martinez moved both runners along with a deep fly to center.  Walker went down on pitches and It looked as if Ragnosi would escape with his 22nd save of the season.  With the count one and two on the batter he un-corked a wild pitch allowing Zane to score from third.  Whitten then hit
Lewiston - Local authorities today announced the death of Thomas Alverez Gallup, Postmaster of Moose Isle, Maine.   Gallup's body was discovered this morning in room 106 of the Easy Breeze Motel on Lisbon Street in this city.   Gallup was visiting Lewiston on an undisclosed "fact finding" trip, one of many such trips he was said to have taken over the last decade.  Police spokesman Alan Landry said that several motel guests, including performers from Smokeys' Greater Shows, were questioned in the matter.  Those persons, Tina the "He-She Clown", Morgana the tatooed woman, and three unidentified dwarfs, were released after being interviewed.  No charges are pending according to Landry, but the investigation will continue.
for related story see:
Male-Man Moose Isle Style pg.5


     Do you think you have what it takes for the job?  We are looking for that "special" person.  Someone who will fit right in with the "locals".  If you feel that may be you, fill out the questionnaire below as completely and honestly as possible.    Information contained in the document is strictly confidential and will not be shared with any other group or organization.    When finished use the "submit button" to foward it for examination.   Our evaluation and response should be immediate, thanks to the powerful "Nextos 233 Forms Application®" we employ.  Thank you for your time and interest.




Name  

Nickname    CB Handle  

Address(RFD)  

Daddy (If unknown, attach list of three suspects)
  Dang, see list! 

Mama     Sure?    yes   no

Neck Shade =   Light Red     Medium Red     Dark Red

Number of teeth exposed in full grin   Upper   Lower 

Make & year of Pickup     Tire size  

Number of empty beer cans on floor of Pickup?
 1-5   6-10   10+   none, too many holes in the floor!
Truck Equipped with: check all that apply
Gun Rack Mud Flaps Camper Top
Air Horn 8-Track 4-Wheel Drive
American Flag Rust Fuzz Buster
Load of Wood Hijack Shocks Mud Tires
Spittoon Running Boards CB Antennas
Roll Bar Confederate Flag Siren!

Bumper Stickers: Once again, check all that apply!
Wave if you're Horny I Dig Clams
Almost Heaven - Bucksport 40 isn't old, if you're a tree!
Where the hell is Orrington? Maine-iac
Honk if you love Jesus Redman Chewing Tobacco
Wood is Wonderful I Ain't No Flatlander
Olde Fart Save the Black Fly
All you Ecological Bastards can freeze to Death in the Dark

Favorite Beverage
Genesee Cream Nastygansett Labatt
Molson Moosehead Bangor Tap Water
Budweiser Canadian Ace Anything $2.00 a Six!


Favorite Vocalists:
Elvis Conway Twitty Loretta Lynn
Bert and I Tim Sample Monica Lewinisky
Bert Parks Tiny Tim Wicked Good Band

Favorite Recreations:
Square Dancin' Cow Tipping Live Bait Fishin'
Drankin' Drankin' More Drankin'
deer jackin' Get'n Drunk Banjo Festival


Favorite Weapon: choose 1
Hand Gun Rifle Big Damn Knife
Bottle Log Chain My Old Socks


Emblem on your Favorite Cap: choose 1
John Deere Stihl CAT Foggy Mt.
Ski Doo Skoal Wal-Mart ain't got no hat!


Groups and Organizations you belong to:
NRA PTL Club Ducks Unlimited
Snow Warriors KKK Deer Unlimited
MADD Mothers against Drunk Drivers
FADD Fathers against Drunk Drivers
DDADD Drunk Drivers against Drunk Drivers!!!

Length of Right Leg?

Length of Left Leg?

How many cars on blocks in your front yard? 

How many Major Appliances on your front porch? 

When was your last Elvis sighting?  mo.  yr.

Do you wear mostly polyester pants with snags? Y  N

Excluding Boots, do you own any shoes?  pr.

Are you married to any of the following?
 Sister  Brother   Cousin   Cousin's Sister   Sow

Does your Wife weigh more than your pickup?  Yes  No

Can you sign your name & spell it right every time?YN

Have you ever stayed sober a whole weekend? YN

Can you count:
past 10 with shoes on?  past 20 with your fly up?

Have you ever had more than 1 bath in a week? Month?

Salary Requirements:  

In Lieu of Money would accept any of the following?
 Women  Men  A new Pickup   One of them Satellite Gizmos!!




   Carefully re-check this form for accuracy and then "submit"

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